i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
