you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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