Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
