Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
