At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
