fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
