Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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