What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize