I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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