I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
