I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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