So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
