O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just tell him i said nine months
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
