also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
