Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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