Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
