You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
And then he peed in my hair
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