i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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