I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
