dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
