I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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