This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Fuck appropriateness.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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