Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize