Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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