yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
