How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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