he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
