all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
