i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize