This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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