the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
