your thong is hanging out like whoa
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize