I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
