So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
