There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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