I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize