we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
