I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
