The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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