She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
