there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
