TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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