The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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