babies were throwing up all over the place
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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