Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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