She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize