Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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