apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize