I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
