Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
