im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
