I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
