well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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