KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
