i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
