Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
