Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
