I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
