so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
