so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
