If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Blood and glitter go together right?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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