Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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