I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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