i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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