I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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