i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The air was thick with penises
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
