You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
