Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
