Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
