when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
