Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You left your phone here
Wait...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
