Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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