sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize