ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
