Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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