So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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