I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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