I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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