I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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