...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Randomize
