Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
my poor anus
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
