The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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