the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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