Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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