I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
do herpes really smell.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
