can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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