So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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