I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
