shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
